Do You Recognize the Warning Signs of Controlling Relationships?

You could be in a controlling relationship without even realizing it. Manipulative and dominating behavior is very often subtle. It like they say about cooking a frog. If you put the frog in a pot with lukewarm water and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will just stay in the pot and not even realize he's being cooked. As opposed to putting a frog in an already boing pot of water, the frog will surely jump out. So controlling relationships happen slowly, and of course, no one wants to admit that they've fallen for someone who is manipulative. after all, we're smarter than that. Love can not only be blind but deaf and dumb. Please don't think it can't happen to you. That is a belief that has been disproven time a d time again. Instead, educate yourself on the warning signs. Once you learn to recognize these signs, you will see them as glaring and in your face. Please don't beat yourself up for not seeing them before.

Common warning signs include a partner who tries to isolate you from your loved ones and often seems jealous and possessive. This behavior can seem attractive at first. You feel your partner always wants to be with you, and even jealousy can be attractive at first. Don't be fooled by this false-love. People that are healthy and love you will want you to have a full life. A full life includes your family and friends.  

Your partner can become very critical. Their chronic criticism may whittle away at your self-esteem. This criticism may appear in your best interest like they are "helping" you. They may even use those words. Healthy love is supportive and constructive. You should never feel bad about yourself after a conversation with your partner. By contrast, healthy love makes you feel strong and supported.

 If you suspect that your relationship may be tearing you down, consider these steps for turning things around and taking back your power.

 

Steps to Take by Yourself 

1.     Stay calm. Managing your emotions will help you to think rationally and stay in control. That way, you’ll be able to deal with the facts of the situation instead of being lured into irrational behavior.

2.     Understand your options. Regardless of what your partner does, you are in charge of your own decisions. Stick to your values and own your choices.

3.     Build your confidence. Give yourself a boost by reflecting on your talents and achievements. You are worthy of love just the way you are today.

4.     Pursue your goals. Stand on your own two feet even if your partner encourages you to depend on them. Make plans for your financial security. Devote your time and energy to projects you care about.

5.     Set boundaries. Clarify your values and expectations. Define your limits so that you’ll be able to communicate them to your partner.

6.     Socialize more. Hang onto your support system. Spend time with family and friends on a regular basis. Your partner may point out all the flaws of your family and friends or manipulate you into believing that your family/friends don't care about your best interest like your partner does. Again this will happen gradually, one by one. A healthy person does not character assassinate your loved ones.

7.     Evaluate your situation. Ask yourself how your relationship is affecting your life. Maybe your relationship is worth working on, or maybe it’s time to move on. Be willing to walk away if your wellbeing is being compromised.

Note all of the above statements aren't necessarily a cause for you to leave your partner. The relationship may be salvageable, and if you start with the suggestions sooner rather than later, it can help your partner develop healthy behaviors. Sometimes people don't know what they don't know. One important key factor, though, is that your partner needs to be willing to grow, not to remain in the same unhealthy patterns. If they don't see a problem with their behavior, they will not change it.

Steps to Take with Your Partner 

1.     Watch for patterns. Almost anyone can succumb to a bit of manipulation when they’re trying to get their own way. Pay attention to how your partner behaves most of the time.

2.     Encourage intimacy. A controlling partner may be trying to cover up their own insecurities. Reassure them by demonstrating your commitment and trustworthiness. Develop rituals that draw you closer together, like shared hobbies and in-depth conversation.

3.     Be honest. Think twice if you’re tempted to withhold information that is likely to upset your partner. In the long run, your relationship will be stronger if you’re transparent.

4.     Speak up. Do you feel like you rarely get to talk about what’s going on with you? Let your partner know that you enjoy listening to them, but you need to share too.

5.     Face conflicts. If a controlling relationship is wearing you down, you may feel like it’s safer to stay silent and avoid disagreements. Unfortunately, that will cause more resentments and misunderstandings. Try to resolve your conflicts respectfully instead.

6.     Switch the focus. There is an alternative to being scrutinized and criticized. If you think your partner is trying to blame you, change the conversation around to examine their contribution to the situation too. Even better, team up on finding solutions that satisfy both of you.

7.     Seek counseling. If you’re having trouble making progress on your own, joint counseling may help. You can also benefit from seeing a therapist on your own if your partner resists.

Unhealthy relationships can sneak up on you. Learning to spot the warning signs will help you avoid controlling patterns and develop a balanced and loving connection that reinforces your self-esteem.

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As always, stay blessed and live your life Enthusiastically!!